I have been a blogging for a year now and I can see myself continuing for years to come. In the coming year I will continue to deep dive into today's challenging issues, and I'll of course keep up the life hacks and easy-to-follow advice to make you the best YOU. Here's some of my favourites from the year just gone:
I do all sorts of things. I put things in places where they fit. I also move and use things until I see them out the corner of my eye lying where they do not belong. I'm usually too lazy to get up from whatever or whoever's bullshit is softening my brain. I sleep and I get up for another day. I've decided to visit South East Asia next year.
I don't get frustrated easily but I this week I've vented a couple of times about some general workplace snags. Some older employees snarled at me, doing a bad job at hiding their reason for doing so. I, the mildly ambitious and optimistic youngster, was finally realising that things aren't as rosy as they might seem. Nope, I thought, I can complain without hating my job and life. I can enjoy myself before I too become as jaded as them.
At the Supermarket
Late, I plod through the aisles, knackered from football and bloody starving to boot. I was perplexed that soup tends towards having less than 100 calories. I'm going to need more than that to give me enough energy to clean my teeth and write a blog entry in a bed.
Hello to the hour when Monday bends into Tuesday and when the sound of quiet overtakes that of the Bluetooth speaker. Yes, it's time to reflect on some unease which is present somewhere. I don't know if it's in the foreground or background of my life. Today's question, sponsored by green tea:
Is there a lack of stress, because I don't allow things to get to me or is there a lack of things, because I don't allow stress to get to me.
I only use the phrase “these days” tongue in cheek, because I think that people's resistance to change and disillusioned nostalgia is something that doesn't change. Then again, my tongue is mostly in my cheek, so don't think that I've got something interesting to say.
I don't find it disillusioning to create, I find it rewarding. And so I continue...
It's chilly on the sofa, it's warm in the bed. The transition therebetween touches motor brushes, light controllers and a mental closing off of today. I don't want this day to be over. Today I had a portion of delicious chicken soup that contained therein 400 grams of leftover roast chicken.
In my head is a see saw where feeling wanted and wanting rarely balance. Rather my ego weighs down the former at the expense of my wanting wanting heart. Today I'm ok. Today I'll be falling asleep peacefully. But then again, I nearly always do.
There may be friends wanting to drink with me, or a girl wanting to kiss me. Sometimes if there's neither I just carry on working.
I don't think
I don't dream
I don't connect
If you read my older blog posts
You will see I was sad
because I was alone
Now I'm rarely alone but
I don't think
I still don't dream
I still don't connect
Fuck marketing attribution
Fuck you, hard
I'm dead behind the eyes
head between some thighs
I'm said to be alive
I really don't do anything else
My green tea today is passion fruit and mango. It's quite delicious. My company today is my own. It's okay like that.
Walk with me, I have something to tell you. I'd like you to listen carefully, because I'm only going to tell you only once, and I will be testing you on this later.
If someone bitches to you about everyone, then they bitch to everyone about you. It doesn't make me insecure. If anything, it makes me more determined to see the best in everyone. No one doesn't have a best.
That was a passage inserted to fill some time. It fufilled that purpose so I guess you could call it useful.
I can't function in a group. Chat with me one on one and I'm fine. Charming at best, witty at worst. But add in another person and I'm mute and I'm nothing. Harming at best, gritty as worst.
You heard that, right? What I just said there was something that I have written down based on words formulated in my brain. They aren't anything really. Let me make you a cup of tea and we can continue.
It's nice with just us. Let's touch each other on the shoulder when no one is watching. But if they are, let's stay quiet, my words are only for you. I think I know you well enough to know not what to say and I'll monitor you closely to see if I deviate.
Sometimes I want to be left alone by everyone except the lofty idea of someone I've seen but never met. To be with someone isn't enough. I sometimes want to rid the world of everything and everyone but whatever I'm thinking is the best thing to happen to me.
Too much of anything will make you bleed.
I want to preface this by stating out right that I live in the world as it's central to this post.
There are seriously angels living amongst us. Yes, freaking ANGELS. If you regularly take public transportation you'll know exactly I mean. Either you get on the bus and one is there or you'll be daydreaming along the ride and one gets on at the next stop.
Glowing, beautiful angels with clear skin not unlike the colour of bliss. So glowing their aura radiates off their bodies like halos filled with glitter. Piercing dark eyes that are wasted on a smartphone.
After a few times, you just start to wonder if you're the only one that notices them or perhaps everyone is just pretending otherwise.
Thigh to thigh and in tangled arms I see she wants me. The Chinese whisper creeps from my eye to hers, then beyond and to her mouth. I hear that she needs me. By breaking away the silence, the eye contact becomes an eye contract. My tea will get cold.
About you: your jacket and touch are nice. About me: I don't loath or love but I respect. About the window: close it, it's cold. About us: can you introduce me to your sister? About time: you said you'd be here an hour ago.
I get it that you're talking to me about lead generation because it's important to you. I can't help but wonder if your ten year old self cared half as much as you do about marketing. I picture a little girl in class thinking about attributing revenue according to the relative importance in conversion. I'm alarmed.
At the Supermarket
You're in my way to getting some eggs. But it's okay, you're buying some things too, it's why we're here.
Hey, I just met you. This is nothing. Here's my nothing. Ignore me maybe. Rose tinted glasses aren't what they used to be
Today I sent somebody to their death. Knowingly, I gave him the smallest push and now he's underground. That's what I do to people. I kill them. It's not to please me, but the fuzz in the back of my head I've had since my eighteenth birthday. Two wasps flew into my mouth and ended up flapping themselves a home below my brain.
At first they were quiet, only piping up occasionally to laugh at me or tell me I'm wrong. It seems obvious when I put it like that, but at the time it seemed harmless. I know now I shouldn't have trusted them, nor allowed them further in. I guess it's my fault then that they are even in a position where they can buzz buzz until I kill kill.
This is a response to some posts by a read.write.as friend of mine. Many apologies for not linking, but I think I've got a cheeky green light for that (go seek, explorers).
I've already said my piece on race, but I'd like to throw in my
opinion on the debate that's been pushing boundaries. Remember though, the best debates are not debates at all.
No, I like them best when one side refuses to engage with the other simply due to their political distance. On a good day, said lack of engagement may leave punches flying into what is probably expressed in an article that wasn't read, simply due to its political distance. And so the two sides are left in their own echo chambers.
Lol, I had such a boring day today
Also can I just
please, putting race aside,
air a little niggle about cause and his cousin, effect,
with the full disclaimer that I haven't read into the fella that got fired then massacred a bunch of people.
Man gets fired
Man does a massacre
Does 1 cause 2? Could there be a 3rd event/disposition that caused both?
Today I'm blogging about out of context headlines on topics I know nothing about. Check back here tomorrow when I'm writing five surprising ways to suck your own dick. You will never believe that number four is possible until you try.