Sober Thoughts

A Collection of Sober Thoughts

Prawn Cocktail Cheese and Onion Salt and Vinegar Smokey Bacon Tai Sweet Chilli Ready Salted Frazzles Chipsticks Hula Hoops Kettle Chips Pom-Bears

I felt an odd sense of relief when I saw two other posters who were with me against LouLou's blogging guide. If the need for external validitation would kindly fuck off, I could set the table with the a nicer tablecloth. I think (who doesn't) I've internalised the need for expertise to the extent that I have no faith in my opinions. This is why I'm so quiet in real life and actually why I came to a blog in the first place.

In other news I've been blogging less because I've been busy, which is nice. For me, I think there are some causal relationships with

  1. Busyness to happiness

  2. Sadness to blogging

and, to be fair, a positive correlation between

Three. Busyness and alcohol consumption

Having said that, I'm seeing someone at the moment who doesn't drink. This is actually quite handy for my health.

Wishing peace to everyone x

As we all know, there are no rules to writing a blog post. This is something I've learnt earning a level 10 blogslog qualification. For those that aren't aware, this puts me in the top 2% of bloggers in the developed world.

I've been thinking about the benefits I've received since I started writing to fill a vacuum in my creative life. People too easily forget the most valuable product of workflow is workflow itself. What good is a destination unless it starts another journey? Unless your destination is CASH, or another equally tragic goal, such as hitting subjectively constructed standards based on perceived authority, externally validated expertise, and a snobbery towards commonly used practices.

LouLou I enjoy reading your blog but sadly lack the motivation to reply without being incredibly rude, sorry

Please continue as you were, Sober Thoughts, in your life of mcD over KFC

Today I paid £12 for the cheapest bargain bucket. It is no bargain, the chicken was chewy and the chips were too soft.

I was disgusted.

There have been reports that the sane amongst you have been left nauseated after consuming my posts. Whilst I do my best to ensure posts remain free from nauseating content, you may experience negative side effects due to the subjective nature of blog consumption.

However, in solidarity with my readership, I will offer full refunds to everyone who has not been 100% satisfied with their reading experience. Please email your refund request to

The refund will be processed within 5-10 working days, and will use the payment details provided when passing the (admittedly hefty) paywall present on my blog.

We're on the same page

Different book

Same genre

Yeah, horror

I will never ever jump out on you. I will lie about your sofa, ceilings and mind, if you don't mind. I'll creep in circles for longer than I'll linger under your thumb or arms. I'll say nothing. The only way you can be sure that I'm even there, is because I'll consume your toast.

Your personhoood can't be redeemed. You're just gonna have to live this way. And I have to learn to stand it

Best songs from pop queens:

Florence and the machine-Lover to Lover Big fan of everything Florence. Could have chosen any of ten songs as favourite.

Lorde- Perfect Places Loved both her albums so far

La Roux- In for the Kill quicksand and bulletproof are also top tunes.

Lily Allen- Not fair A fan mainly of her early stuff.

Amy Winehouse- Valarie Just starting to listen to more Winehouse.

Marina and the diamonds- Hollywood Haven't listened to anything new, but I liked her in interview.

Paloma Faith- Stone Cold Sober Love this song, not too familiar with much else.

Kate Nash- Foundations Love this song, not too familiar with much else.

Duffy- Mercy Love this song and rain on your Parade

Five days and now three glasses of wine shared with my family, and I'm having to stare at myself in the mirror saying

Don't do it, don't do it, don't it

about messaging my ex to complain about them. It's because ex knows my family and my frustrations with them like nobody else. And to be fair, I'm not having huge issues, but this family is not confrontational and my little frustrations become huge in my head when I have no one to share them with. And I have no one to share them with.

Truth be told that if I was getting laid at the moment then I'd also be getting laid back about the whole situation.

I decided not to message ex when I saw the landscape of previous messages: good terms and inauthentic uncharacteristic exclamation marks. Disgusting.

I've spent the last year learning to ride the unicycle, with absolutely no luck. I've tried everything from removing a wheel on my bicycle, to paying more than I can afford to the best clown in town.

Today, on the streets of Bilbao, I found my myself upturned, hands-on-pedals, feet-in-clouds, drawing in quite the Basque applause. Cheers quickly turned to gasps as my body lost control and my face found concrete via a small child's honeycomb ice cream.

It turns out that I can unicycle only to the music of ABBA, which had been loudly playing from a nearby bar. As the song ended, so did my showboating. I soon was giving my Lo Sieto's to a gruff parent, communicating in facial expressions that I would happily find a replacement, but I'd need to first go to an ATM because MAGIC HELADO doesn't accept contactless yet. The inconsiderate bastards.

Inquiry, with your permission I would like to continue reading your posts and would like to explain my last post. I had wanted to reply to your post re cognition islands, as I agreed with the problematic nature of guessing what someone's internet content really means.

Ironically, I think you missed the ironic tone of my post. I was actually parodying the bahaviour I thought you were sighing about in your original post: a liberal, affronted by some content such as your post, will ignore it's context, and go on to unnesscessarily assume support of Trump etc. etc. The thinking behind my post was exactly as you've explained below:

You know you're living in declining times when simply using words like 'Christian' or 'Trump' on a temporarily regular basis somehow constitutes irrefutable proof one is “Christian-loving” or a “Trump stump”.

So when I said “no idea what your post was actually about” I was actually referencing (ironically) the fact that I was making no effort to respond to your actual point. I had hoped that “hate-woke-hat hate speech” would have been absurd enough to prevent your eye roll.