I steal bananas from supermarkets.

If you scan a banana on the self-checkout tills, it requires the approval of a shop assistant. So I input them as carrots to save time and money. And today, in my boldest move yet, I didn't even pretend they were carrots. I scanned the rest of my shopping, paid for it, then simply picked up the banana and left the store.

I peeled and ate it guilt free. Congratulations to everyone who's never stolen. Congratulations to orderly society. Congratulations to me and my mischief. And finally, congratulations to all shop assistants, for turning up, stacking shelves and always being there whenever I need some milk.